Stir Crazy

I rarely have time to myself, which is why I have not been able to post on here.  Everyday I workout, shower then go to work.  When I get off work I come home and either do homework (grad school), run errands, or do things for my husband.  My husband works out of the home, so he takes on the role of the “house husband.”  He often times has dinner ready when I get home from work, which is nice.  He does not do much cleaning or household chores though, so that is usually left to me.

I have not been to work this week because of a crazy amount of snowfall.  I have spent the last couple of days working around the house and shoveling snow, as well as trying to get some of my schoolwork done.  My husband is currently watching a webcast on his computer about celebrity gossip.  He always tells me how much he is doing around the house while I am gone at work.  If his activity the last couple of days are normal, then he really just sits in front of his computer all day.

It is no wonder he has such disdain for me.  I have always thought that his criticism of me came from a place of insecurity; that he somehow felt inadequate and needs to bring me down to make himself feel better.  This could certainly be the case.  However, when you are constantly stimulating yourself with visually perfect people, you will come to see that as normal and average.  Watching practically naked women dance around in music videos makes him feel like he is missing out with a normal woman like me.  All 5’7 and 122 lbs. of me.

The computer has been a source of trouble for our relationship since day one.  Our relationship started in the early days of social media, so it has always been a factor.  The computer makes it easy for one to be tempted, swayed, and stray with little effort.  About six months into our marriage I found that he had been having an online affair with a girl he met in another country just prior to our engagement.  Although he says this is now over, it does make me nervous just how much time he is spending on his computer.

It almost makes me eager to go back to work, even if I have to drive through 2 feet of snow to get there.


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