If someone told me as a teenager that this is how my life would be, I wouldn’t have believed it. I thought that in my 30’s I would be blissfully married, have children of my own, and a fun and fabulous career. Instead, I have no children, an encouraging but boring job, and a young marriage that’s in desperate need of help. Venting to friends and family about the rough and bumpy road I have been on for the past year is not on option. It would just be too hard to face it; too embarrassing to let everyone else know that the picture perfect image they see…is really a mirage. Some may say that’s phony, fake, deceptive; that I am phony, fake, deceptive for allowing those close to me to believe that. To hide reality. I recently learned of things, and continue to learn of things, that every woman dreads. I have heard people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I sure hope that is true, because I am not sure if I could handle worse! In all honesty, I am really just scared of what may come, or the dreams I will have to say goodbye to, if I walked away from it all.
After spending countless hours reflecting, thinking, and talking, I have decided to try to build my life back up from the bottom. I have stayed with my husband, despite my torn feelings. I have a nice house, a man I have loved since high school, a future with a good company (if I can survive the grunt work), and an amazing network of family and friends. I am not ready to give any of that up. I have started this to give myself an outlet, a place to put my thoughts as a form of self therapy.
I found a quote from J.K. Rowling that provides me with strength and inspiration. Although she is referring to a completely different kind of “rock bottom,” it is comforting to know that someone has been here before, and things still turned out pretty well.
“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”